Journey of a Ragamuffin

This is our 5 month old daughter Sophie having carrot today for the first time!

Again, from the book ‘The Vision and the Vow’, this really resonated with me, especially as I have a 5 month old daughter and we are in the midst of dirty nappies (diapers) and spew (vomit) and everything else that goes with someone not having full control of their bodily functions!

“One hot summer’s day, after changing Huddy’s diaper, I decided to let him stay naked for a few minutes. I’d often seen those black-and-white posters of a hunky guy clutching a perfect little baby to his rippling six-pack stomach, and secretly, just for one brief moment of my life, I wanted to be that man. With shoulders back and belly tensed, I carried Hudson out into the garden and sauntered around casually looking masterful. It was at this moment that Huddy decided to surrender control of his bowels.

I’m a lucky guy - I have many good friends. But I have a confession; If any one of them locked me up in my house when I wanted to go out; if they screamed in my face at the top of their voices; if they woke me every night for months on end; if they spat in my mouth, puked on my clothes, and um - humiliated me in public, I would really struggle to like them, let alone love them.

And so here we have the mystery: Hudson did all these terrible things to me repeatedly, and yet I found that I liked him. In fact, I found that I loved him. I loved him like I had never loved another human being in all my life. I loved him obsessively from an aching place inside that I had never before discovered. How could this be?

The difference, of course, is fatherhood. There is no passion in the human soul like the love that can stir the heart of a father or mother. And so I found myself lifting a simple question to God: “Surely,” I said, “Surely when You say that You are my Father in heaven, You don’t mean this kind of fatherhood? Surely, it’s just a concept, a profound theological truth of paternity and inheritance? Surely,” I hardly dared hope, “surely You do not experience this all-consuming , jealous, joyful passion in Your heart toward me that I find beating so relentlessly in my whole being for my little son?”

And of course, before the question even passed my lips, I could hear God’s whisper: “Yes! That’s exactly how I feel about you. That’s exactly what my Fatherhood means. In fact, your experiences of fatherly love are just flickering reflections of my heart for you.

“You can hassle me continually with your prayers, clamouring for attention night and day, and I will always be there for you because I love you. You can scream in my face in fear and frustration and I will rock you in my arms until you rest. You may even soil me with the filth of your sin and I will still cherish you, I will still see your perfection and declare relentlessly to the angels around that you, my child, are mine. I have loved you with with an everlasting love, I have drawn you with loving-kindness…I will take great delight in you, I will quiet you with my love, I will rejoice over you with singing…You are mine” (Jeremiah 31:3; Zephaniah 3:17; Isaiah 43:1)

That just blows my mind. What about you?

Afew weeks ago I was in London on my own and my evenings were pretty much relaxation time. Happily, there was a Starbucks near my hotel so I found myself sitting there for a couple of evenings, drinking lovely coffee, watching people as they went about their busyness, and reading a book called ‘The Vision and the Vow’ by Pete Greig. He was talking about grace, and this part just made me want to cry. It really resonated with me as I put myself into the shoes of Judas Iscariot.

These three questions that are asked:
- What if, having betrayed Jesus to death, Judas had somehow managed to wrestle his demons a few more hours?
- What if Judas had not hanged himself that day from that tree?
- What if Judas had just help on, in living hell, for three more days on earth?

“What if he (Judas) had waited a weekend? That’s all that would have been needed. I love to imagine Jesus on Easter morning deliberately seeking out the disciple more lost than any other. Perhaps now, at last, he might be found! When Judas first sees Jesus, I imagine him wondering how this tumult of madness could now be conjuring up the rabbi in his tortured mind. Slowly Jesus approaches, but Judas is frozen in disbelief. Closer. Closer. Jesus is unbearable close – so close now that Judas can feel His breath of his cheek. And then it happens: Jesus greats Judas.

With a kiss.
He is carrying three questions for Peter. He has scars to show Thomas. But first a kiss for Judas.

And some time within those moments, I imagine two words- just two- being exchanged very quietly between the men. Jesus looks deeply into the unblinking eyes of His betrayer, who is too dumbstruck even to avert his gaze in shame. And then he utters a single syllable, upon which eternity will surely swing. Jesus whispers:

“Friend.�

Do you hear the echo? It was another day, another kiss, perhaps another Judas, too. But in the garden that night, Jesus had greeted his betrayer in just the same way. “Friend,� He had said, “do what you came for.� And Judas had done it, and he had not been able to undo it. And Jesus had been to hell and back as a result. And for the twelfth of His disciples: “Friend.� He, too, had done what he came for.

The sound of that word somehow echoes to reach Judas, lost as he is in another eternity. He hears the greeting. He feels the breath. Life to Dust. Ashes to ember. A kiss for a curse. As if slowly waking from a nightmare, Judas Iscariot replies to his victim, the victor, with a single word, surely more meaningful than we can ever know:

“Lord.�

It’s a whisper, barely audible. And yet the sound of that word resounds like a gunshot around the halls of heaven. “Lord.� The angels gasp in recognition: “Not rabbi – Lord! Even Judas, even Judas,� they say.

And then perhaps Judas, in those awkward, awestruck moments, moves to reciprocate the kiss, as one should. Should he? Could he? Would Jesus allow it once again?

And his lips touch the cheek, it is as though a pin pierces his stupor – his body just crumples upon Christ’s, shuddering with the greatest sobs of redemption history. Somehow the irreversible sin has become the very door of salvation – even for him, the twelfth, the last, the least, the thief, the greatest traitor of them all.

With those tears the angelic realm erupts in praise. “Rejoice with me,� cries the Spirit, His voice echoing through heaven, “for I have found my lost sheep!� and there is always “more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who don not need to repent� (Luke 15:6) Praises ring to the Lamb that was slain for the sins of the world- even this, the greatest sin of them all. Truly He loves His enemy and does good to His persecutor. He is the Alpha and Omega who takes the twelfth brother and makes him first, lifting his name as the ultimate example of grace – insurmountable and eternal proof of the power of love to conquer sin.�

(Grieg, Peter. The Vision and the Vow pg. 48-50)

Four or five years ago I joined my local gym. It was one of those memberships where you agree to an annual contract. It would cost me £25 per month (roughly $50). I had so many expectations and couldn’t wait to be fit and in shape again. I could see in my mind what I could be like in a year’s time: lean, agile, toned, strong, nimble, powerful, strong. Yes, joining the gym would change me. I was sure of it.

Wakey, wakey Tim! Now for the reality part. During that year I went to the gym 3 times, costing me £250. Let me clarify that so you don’t think I mistyped the number: three times! Yeah, do the sums and work out how much each visit cost me. Expensive or what?!

But was it worth it? Did I match or even exceed the mental image of myself that I had dreamed of at the beginning of the year? No. In fact I was probably in worse shape. So much for my gym membership.

This morning I was reading a part of a book called ‘The Vision and the Vow’ by Pete Greig, founder of the 24/7 prayer movement. He was saying that just as people join gyms for physical transformation, a lot of people join churches for spiritual transformation. But unless there are visions and goals and milestones, transformation will be limited and random.

Just like me and my gym. I had no program. I had no process. I had no short term goals. Yes, I had a vision, but this was not enough. And a lot of churches don’t even have a vision, never mind goals. What I needed was to translate my vision into a series of goals and then devise ways of how I could step from goal to goal.

Does your church do this? Do you do this in your own life?

Most of us (me included), and most churches, just let routine take control. Life ticks by and as long as something is being done then all is well. We don’t have a vision for our life. We don’t have goals for our life. And so we have nothing to work towards except just getting the current day over with.

I don’t think this is how we were meant to be. I believe that we all have a purpose for our lives. A purpose which we can discover if we listen to the desires of our hearts and examine how we have been uniquely ‘wired’.

I’d like to know what your vision is and what steps you are taking to move towards it.

Two quality books that might help you are:

‘The Dream Giver’ by Bruce Wilkinson

‘Visioneering’ by Andy Stanley

Here is a list of things in my mind that I want to blog about soon:

- Father/child relationship

- Judas : What if?

- Scrum applied to church (self-organization, emergence, etc)

I will get around to them hopefully this weekend…

It’s been a while…again. I have so many thoughts in my head, things that I say to myself ‘I must blog that!’ and then I never get the time. So I have just read a bit from ‘The Call’ by Os Guinness and this came to mind:

Os says that in the middle ages, monasteries were set up to remind people that it was still possible for normal people to follow the radical way of life required by the Gospel. Yet most of them ended up seeing themselves as a higher life and spiritual specialists, while everyone else were just commoners and couldn’t really aspire to being as close to God. The irony is this: monasticism reinforced the secularization that it started out to resist.

And so the clergy took on an aura of ‘God’s chosen ones’. Some people still behave like the clergy have some special access to God. But in the 1500’s, in stepped Luther and a few others who callenged this view and said that the work of common peasants can mean more to God than the fasting and rituals of a monk or priest.

This freed people to include Jesus in every part of their lives: cobbling shoes, cleaning floors, looking after animals…whatever. This new definition to ‘calling’ meant that you could use your physical talents for bringing glory to God, and not just your spiritual gifts. This enlightenment smashed hierarchies and enabled normal everyday people to feel some dignity and spiritual significance.

Some people still have not grasped this fact.

But that was all just out of the book…but it got me thinking about taking it one stage further: ok, most people in Christendom today accept that we are all loved equally and can play our own part in God’s big plan. It is not reserved for a selected few with meaningless titles like Reverend and Father and Pastor. But does God only meet with us and accept our worship in special places? Do some buildings have ‘better access’ to God than others?

Today, one of the big things that I feel is prevalent in people’s thinking is that God looks on church buildings as something special. That these buildings, a lot of them old and cold and uncomfortable, are holy places. And that only these places or adjoining church halls) can be used to conduct ‘church’.

But surely this smacks of the same elitism and narrow view of God that existed in the Middle Ages?

I am literally just writing as I think, but where I come from it is nearly blasphemy to even think that we could worship God in a worldy place. But surely God is much bigger than this.

What do you think?

I am looking to get a decent book of daily reflections to help me with my bible time, rather than doing the usual russian roulette of what page it falls open at! I’ve had a few but looking something up-to-date and relevant and, dare I say it, a bit radical?

Any suggestions would be appreciated…thank you!

I found this quote from a man called Andy Stanley, pastor of North Point Church.

‘Why don’t the unchurched people in your area go to church? Could it be because you’re focusing on who you’re trying to keep instead of who you’re trying to reach?’

This triggered me to ask myself ‘Would Jesus go to church if he was still on earth?’

What do you think?

I just have these thoughts bouncing about my head. And I just want to get them down ‘on paper’ as they are things that I have been thinking about lately.

Matthew 5:13-16 talks about being the salt and light, not hiding our lights under pots etc. I always took this to be talking about my faith: ‘Don’t hide the fact that you are Christian. Let it shine.’ Etc, etc. I read it yesterday and it came into my head that it could also be applied to living as God created me. Being the masterpieces that God has made me. Being myself and living my life to the full. Discovering and using every talent and ability that God has given me. Living as the person that God had in mind when he knitted me together; living as the person that God had in mind before time even began!

When I think of salt, I immediately think of the taste. That is the essence of salt. It is what it is. And so I should be who I am.

Too often I look around church and see people sitting: bored, apathetic, uncommitted, not wanting to get involved, present only on a Sunday only out of habit. I all too often judge these people unfairly. I think to myself ‘Get up off your lazy backsides and do something. Anything. If you call yourselves Christians, then do something for Jesus and his church.’ I do think these things, even though I can count myself in that group of people as well more often than not.

Yet, for a lot of these people, they have a light and they don’t know about it. They are salt and they don’t know they have a distinctive,unique taste. I feel too many people today feel insignificant and useless in church. and what does that lead to? Apathy and lack of involvement. But who is at fault?

Well, without pinning the blame on anyone, I do feel that the church should educate people more. People need to know they were created for a purpose. When we commit to Jesus, we have one or more divine missions to complete.  We have been moulded and shaped, kitted out with all the right characteristics to make a go of things. All to often, church seems to be all about the people who are at the front. Shiny and smiling, suited and confident, they seem to be out of reach of the rest of us. Yet we too have special missions - and all too often the more covert missions turn out to be the most exciting.  We could be like God’s Jack Bauer…not really knowing what is going to happen next, not knowing where our mission will take us or when we will have to spring into action.

You see, to me, we underestimate our importance to God. We underestimate our potential to advance his Kingdom. Yet every one of us has been given the power to do much more than even Jesus. He has said this himself in John 14:12.

I just know from my own personal journey with God that once we connect with him and realise that he has made us as we are for a reason, if we discover our strengths and type of character we have and apply it, we can really find life to the full.

That’s all for now. But this is something that is in my heart and I feel that God is leading me somewhere with it.

I’d like to hear your thoughts on this if you have any…

This is my first post in over 2 months. It has been strange not blogging. With a new daughter, work and spiritual battles all contributing to a lack of time, I feel it is now time to get reaquainted with the cyber world.

Firstly, being a dad is amazing. Having a daughter is amazing. Sophie is amazing. My wife is amazing. I love it all and wouldn’t change anything.

Secondly,  spiritually I have been battered a bit over the last 4 or 5 months. Ihave stepped away from the sports ministry that started up in my local church. I just felt God calling me to serve elsewhere. This was tough. I thought this was where I was meant to be and would stay. Funny how God sometimes takes our assumptions and turns them on their head. My skepticism of the local church also came into play.  For 3 months I only attended church twice. I just thought ‘Why?’. The whole lack of leadership frustrated me and left me thinking ‘What’s the point?’. But a movement has started now and things are beginning to pick up again. Satan has had his fair share of successes with me over the last while. I am glad God is the source of love, and fatherhood has helped me realise that I can accept his love. Having a little baby has also taught me to live in the present like a little baby. Babies don’t worry about tomorrow or yesterday. They live totally in the present. When they are helpless, when they can’t even control the movement of their own arms, all they can do is cry out for help.

So God has been whispering to me. Or should I say, I have started to tune out of my own arrogance and pride and self importance and tune into what God is saying to me.

I will write more of this soon, but for now I have to get back to work.