How do I accept God’s love?
I’ve always had problems accepting help. I can remember through school, university and work I would always try to work something else out on my own rather than ask for help and perhaps seem foolish. In our home, I often find it difficult accepting help from relatives who offer to help us out with household chores like laundry, mowing the grass, DIY, etc. I feel that accepting help takes away from me as a person; it marks me as not able to stand on my own feet; it stamps me as weak and dependent. Analysing it a little more, under all the talk about independence, the true problem I think is PRIDE. I am too proud to accept help. Perhaps subconsciously I feel that I am above somebody’s help. Perhaps, by standing on my own feet I have a feeling of superiority, whereas by accepting help would make me inferior. I am just thinking this out as I type.
What brought this to mind was a chapter in the book I am reading at the moment. The chapter was about grace. The author was describing how he always felt he had to do stuff to earn or repay God’s love. He just couldn’t accept it for free. so he would discipline himself to read the bible, pray, fast, be ‘good’. If and when he failed at these disciplines, he felt guilty, unworthy, a failure. He felt he had let God down.
Yet doing stuff will never bring us nearer to God or repay him. Satan wants us to believe that we must live righteous lives, do righteous things, just appear rigthteous in order for God to feel pleased that Jesus’ sacrifice was all worth it. Yet this is a lie. I don’t think we should ever feel we HAVE to do stuff for God.
The first step in all this is accepting God’s love. Sounds easy. But in this world we don’t get anything for nothing. And people who receive charity, we end up taking away their dignity by feeling sorry for them. In the western world, there is such a stigma about being the subject of charity. It’s almost embarrassing. Yet we are the subject of God’s charity. We are beggers before God, and he pours out his love on us without expectation of repayment. In exchange for our humility and willingness to accept his charity, we are given a Kingdom.
So, where am I in all this? I know I need to be more humble. How do I do this? How do I learn to accept God’s love freely? I don’t know. But once I do, I will let you know.
September 30th, 2006 at 7:04 pm
You don’t really need to worry about this too much. Focus yourself on God and he’ll teach you what you need to know, and the problems with independence will come clear so that the two of you can do something about it.
I have big problems with this. I expected God to turn a hammer on me, to beat out the pride, the arrogance, my independence.
What I’ve found instead is kindness and a gentle nurturing. It turns out that pride has its uses: those with no pride get run over by everyone else. Somewhere between the stereotypical meek Jesus-with-lamb and politicians who won’t listen to anyone but rich cronies there is a delicate way for us to walk. God supports our independence with others.
The basic truth is that we were made to have God participate in our lives. Most of the world is too big for me. Adam’s sin was thinking he knew more than God so he made his own decision, and we’ve been living with that ever since. Some of us take the lesson more to heart than others. I use independence as a defense mechanism. I’ve tried closing the doors against God, too, but he keeps calling, whispering in a voice that becomes more irresistible as I grow older.
For me… it starts with letting go my death-grip on doing life my way. Nothing changes immediately, but once I’m not hanging onto old things God can guide me into new and terrifying things. He’s there walking with me. It’s pretty basic; I’m no advanced saint but just trying to make it through the day.
October 24th, 2006 at 3:08 am
How are things in your part of the world? How’s being a parent treating you and Shona?