Journey of a Ragamuffin

A good friend of mine stumbled across this blog today and it sort of inspired me to return again. It’s been nearly a year and a half since I last blogged. No real reason for not doing it. Just no real spirit to actually do it. But here I am for some reason.

A lot has happened since November 2007. Yet, in a way nothing has really changed. I am still struggling with my relationship with the church. But that is more down to my own issues rather then anything else. I struggle everyday with my walk with God. But I am assured that this is normal. Even the Bible says so somewhere. I still lack discipline to meet with God regularly. Yet when I do, the feeling of closeness is one which is overwhelming. I just don’t understand why I don’t go back for more of Him more often. If it was chocolate, I would be there no problem. How come I rate chocolate more than God?

Anyway, my family are doing really well. Sophie is growing fast and is a beautiful little girl. Shona is now expecting our second child and that should be arriving in June.  Shona as always is keeping me sane and is supportive of everything I do. I don’t know what I would do with her and Sophie. Through them alone God has blessed me far beyond what I deserve.

I am going to end there, but I look forward to coming back again and getting reacquainted with everyone.

Please feel free to leave a message…I would love to hear from you!

I have been waiting to hear if I get a big project for the last few weeks. The waiting is the worst bit. Sometimes I just want to know, even if the answer is a ‘NO’. I don’t like waiting.

I have seen research done on young children being left in a room with a chocolate sweet in front of them. They are told that they can have the sweet of they want it, but if they don’t touch it for 10 minutes, they will get 5 sweets. I know I would be the kid who would eat the sweet straight away. Instant gratification! I just can’t wait…

Typical of today’s culture I guess. Fast food. Fast Internet. Fast everything. Nearly.

Apart, it seems, from God. For the last week or so, I have been pleading with him to hurry up the decision about this project. ‘Let me know today, God. Let me know now, God. Please?’ A couple of nights ago, as I was walking into our bedroom, my heart just forgot about all the niceness that I usually use when talking to God, and just silently blurted out ‘Why don’t you just give me an answer? It’s not as though it is a bad thing I am asking for. And I have already promised to give a proportion of the proceeds to charity. So what’s the problem?’

Instantly, and equally as silently, God replied. He said ‘Would you give Sophie everything she asked for?’

‘Yes’, I said. ‘As long as it wasn’t going to harm her’.

‘Would you really?’ God replied. ‘How about like this morning in the kitchen at breakfast time. You were making her breakfast and she was pulling on your trouser leg, crying for her breakfast. You told her to wait just a minute. Why didn’t you give it to her right then?’

‘Well’, I stumbled, ‘That’s easy. I was making up her oats and milk before heating them in the microwave for 30 seconds. It is far nicer for her if her cereal is warmed.’

‘Yes, so the conditions have to be right. And sometimes, it just takes a little time for that to happen. Sophie doesn’t understand that at the moment. She just knows you have her food and you have the power to give it to her right away. But you, as her Father, see the bigger picture.’

He continued, ‘So it is with me. Before you can have this project, some things need to be done by me. So be patient and wait. It will be better in the end.’

And like a child, although I didn’t really like the decision, I knew deep down that God was right.

What are you waiting on?

Since becoming a daddy, I have received a lot of insight into how God perhaps sees me.

My little daughter, Sophie, has been walking for a few weeks now. I love to watch her exploring! She walks, bends down, falls over, gets up, reaches up for something, trips and falls, pushes doors, pulls things down, falls again! I love following her about and just watching her. Each time she falls, she never thinks that it is a failure. It is part of the journey. And she knows that she has to get up again, to keep moving. She risks a lot, falls a lot but never fails.

If I look at Sophie and love to see her try things, fall, get up etc. and love her so much for it, how much more does God look at me and love me even more? It is a constant reminder to me never to stop trying things for God, risking things for God. Even though in other peoples’ eyes it might be viewed as failure, God loves me for trying!

As I sat in the room, head bowed, the ticking of the clock flowed into the silence, almost as though the clock itself wanted to have its say. Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock…second after second after second. My mind moved from hearing a series of ticks and tocks to recognizing the silence between each movement of the clock’s second hand, amazed at how powerful such a small interval could actually be…

Between each tick and tock, you know how far a ray of light can travel? Over seven times around the earth. Light - it’s fast. 186,282 miles per second. In fact, it’s so fast, it’s speed is used to measure distance across our universe - well, the part that we know of so far. 156 billion light years across. Just think about that. Starting from one side and going to the other side would take 156 million years. Oh yeah, and that’s travelling at the speed of light. That’s a lot of ticks and tocks.

But back to light. So where did it come from? The bible tells us that God said ‘Let there be light’ and there was light. This blows my mind. God opens his mouth and out comes light. And where does the majority of light come from on our little planet? Our sun. So can we take that God basically breathed out the sun? He spoke the sun into existence? Perhaps.

The most powerful thing we have on earth is the nuclear bomb. We know the devastating effects this can have on the planet and on people. However, if we take the amount of energy produced by the sun per second, it is equivalent to 7 trillion Hiroshima atomic bombs. That’s per second. So every second, the sun gets another 7 trillion bombs and sets them off. Tick tock. Another 7 trillion. Tick tock, BANG. Tick tock, BANG. Tick tock…

Think about it: this all came from God. And our sun is not really that impressive compared to other stars in our galaxy. It’s pretty average really. God set billions more stars into the universe besides ours, most of them more impressive. But even our mediocre star is too big for our little minds to really fathom.

The really weird thing is that this same God, the one who spoke this furious mass of heat into existence, furiously loves each one of us. He wants nothing more than for us to be left awestruck by his awesomeness; to heap much praise on him; to make much of him simply because he deserves to be made much of. And more than this, he wants to meet with us every day. He even let his own son be killed to open the way for us to meet with him. For us, we who are so small. To meet with God, He who is indefinably powerful.

It blows my mind every second.

There is this tune playing. You may not be aware of it now, but if you listen, you can hear it.

I can hear instuments. Each instrument in harmony with the others - tuned properly, playing the correct key, in time with the correct rhythm, creating the right notes - each being worked masterfully in the hands of the musician.

The instrument takes no credit for the tune. The music produced is a direct reflection of the musician. The instrument has the potential to play wrong notes; to be out of tune; to utilize only a few of its notes. Yet, it is in the hands of the master musician that the instrument comes fully alive, the two become one, resulting in music that resonates with the hearts of the listeners.

The instrument has a potential that only a gifted musician can exploit. Happy at first to be playing one note, then progressing to a chord, two chords, introducing a rhythm and a beat, and as it submits itself to the musician, it starts to play the tune in a way that it could never imagine.

Some instruments play the main melody, some play harmonizing parts. Yet, all contribute to make something rich and breathtaking, coming together to fulfil what the composer envisaged when writing the tune. As different instruments join the tune, the music becomes more and more beautiful, each one making its own special and unique contribution. As the sound of each instrument unites and floods the surroundings, the world starts to tap their feet, fingers drum, heads sway, hearts race. People who once couldn’t hear the tune, now stop and let the beauty of the music wash over them.

There is this tune playing. An eternal tune. God is the composer; Jesus the conductor; the Spirit the musician. They are playing the music through history. It is God’s tune, he has written it but we can all take part. God invites us to join in, to let his fingers strum our lives, to let his beauty flow through us, and join the melody that will continue forever.

One. Month. Since. Last. Post. Been. On. Holiday. Shona. Returned. School. Sophie. At. Grandma’s. Me. Working. Hard. Trying. To. Empty. Quiet. House.

Eight months ago Shona finished her last term of school before becoming a mummy. Sophie is now over 6 months old and it is fast approaching the time for mummy to go back to school. Sophie will be staying with her grandma and grandpa during the day. This new stage in our lives starts next week, and we are not looking forward to it.
I work at home and it has been amazing to have them both here all the time. I wouldn’t have missed it for the world and I know a lot of daddies don’t get the opportunity to spend as much time with their kid at such an early age. I have been very fortunate. We have had a lot of laughs!
I am going to miss them both so much throughout the day. We have had so much fun! The house is going to be so quiet and empty and the first few days will be hard, I’m sure. I really feel for Shona especially. It will be so tough on her to leave Sophie and go work all day when she has been used to spending nearly every minute with her.

But I guess this is only the first little step in ‘letting go’. There will be many more times along this journey where we will have to let Sophie go. This is the first and I am not looking forward to it…

Happy St. Paddy’s Day from Ireland…

Judas has been on my mind lately. (I posted about him a while back and what could have happened if he had just held on to his life for a few more hours.)

It has struck me that Judas was called by Jesus just like the other disciples. He heard God’s call and was appointed. He was called to a position that very few have had the privilege of - to be counted as one of Jesus’ chosen few. Yes, he was chosen by Jesus himself. Accepted into the circle of friends. Privy to the inside teachings. One of the twelve. Present on those long dusty walks. Present in the boats; in the storm; while Jesus and Peter did the water walking. During the parties and the miracles. Bringing people back to life. Judas was there. Just imagine…

Yet the role that Judas had to play in history is not one that we think of when we think of someone appointed by God.

Greed. Betrayal. Shame. Heartache. Despair. Panic. Fear. A tree. A rope.

It’s made me think: Judas was no accident; he was chosen for a reason. Which leads to the question:
Is being called by God always a good thing?
What do you think? I wonder what Judas thinks…

Fulfilling. Exciting. Accepting. Fair. Change. Fun. Warm. Happy. Sad. Talking. Free. Risk. Failure. Sacrificial. Community. Laughing. Crying. Vision. Mission. Passion. Open. Serving. Surprising. Living. True. Peaceful. Noisy. Jesus. Followers. Lovers.

Any more to add?